MADONNA GONE SPANISH ARTSY-FARTSY (*) - Madame X album review

Did Madonna die in Tel Aviv? She was so bad at Melody Grand Prix that it was good to see her back in what she almost coincidently masters. It is not singing. It is publicity. You know bad press is better than no press at all. Madonna, the Grand Old Spanking Lady of the 80’s is back with Madame X album and I don’t know anything about it. Yet.

I saw her recently not only ruining the vibes of the World Wide Gay Party of the year in Tel Aviv but also driving together with James Gordon (Carpool), twerking desperately her 60-year-old ass in front of the New York. Mainly to be ignored. It was like the botox had made Madonna to 25-year-old stoner. No facial expressions at all. This I felt was scary and sad. Anyway, the botox is excellent for Instagram photos and Avatars in general. Madame X Spotify avatar looks mainly what I believe she wants it to look like. 25 year old stoner from Santa Monica Pier.

Moving on. Pressing the play button and “Meddelín” with Maluma starts innocently “I took a pill and had a dream” “I went to back to my seventeen - year”. Her voice is so distorted by the metallic mufflers that it is too much even for Madonna. Haven’t Madonna got the note yet? Synthesizers are so 00’. You might got the memo about that Latin rhythms are (again) in, but big part of the audience (me) is so terribly tired of the mechanical music produced lately that we have already moved on to Billie Eilish to listen what the REAL singing is about. Now, I know what you think. Madonna has never claimed to be the most authentic singer, but still, this is just bad and makes me wonder how the rest of the songs are. Maluma is fun to listen. Spanish is hip and gangsta now, or whatever the stoner kids in LA are called nowdays. And the deep breaths of macho Maluma are going to move at least few teenage and housewives out there. Why do you insist me Madonna to "slow down”, since this only highlights that you cannot sing.

DO NOT LISTEN “Dark Ballet”, unless you want to be amazed of the how bad Madonna has gone. It starts rather innocently, releasing some good base and beats during the first minute or so, but then the horror starts with piano and moves to an odd artsy-fartsy world. Synthesizers are now all I hear. Then Madonna enters with wanna-be playful, oddly 80’s reminiscent fairytale, yet scary tale voice talking nonsense. This is so bad. Whoever has produced this crap should be fired and sent in a first plane to Uzbekistan to listen arctic desert wind and learn the basics of music. I probably don’t make any sense now, but so doesn’t the song either.

Madonna in Erotica when she was still sexy and when her public fiascoes were not foolish experiments, but real creative performances.

Madonna in Erotica when she was still sexy and when her public fiascoes were not foolish experiments, but real creative performances.

I am desperate now to find at least one good song from the 80’s sex bomb, now turned to unwanted botoxed grandmother desperately trying to get attention with her very inappropriate, uncontrolled and so public twerking. I own Madonna her that. I own it to my 15-year old myself who used look you in awe and in mild arousement, when you moved around in “Erotica”, daring and artsy and not arty-fartsy at all.

“Crazy" is a sort of an upbeat song. It makes use of the Latin trends and rhythms without ruining them. It is mixed with a pinch of quite successful accordion! tunes. It is slow, but not too slow, allowing Madonna actually to sing. I find myself singing the “Because you are driving me crazy”. Nice track and the first one I wouldn’t mind to hear again.

"Come alive” is also nice, but it doesn’t make my feelings towards Madonna’s latest album Madame X much better. It is just another song, different only because I am not confused and running to turn the volume up to hear “is-it-really-that-bad?” or turning the volume down cursing “what-a-fuck-is-this?"

I am tired to listen to what I consider an experiment gone-wrong-of-an-album. There is no direction or style or beat to remember. It is a strange mismatch of a musical beast at it is best and art-to-be-burned-in-witc-bonfire when worst.

I give 1 star out of five possible.

Listen to: "Crazy" to not to cry over a lost idol.

Max Noble